I (55F) paid for my son’s surprise 30th party. His wife texted me: “Don’t come—family only.” When I arrived, she blocked the door, saying firmly, “Get lost!” My son stood behind her, silent.

So, without warning them, I called the venue owner and canceled the entire event on the spot. The party came to an immediate halt. Guests were confused as staff started packing up decorations and the catering disappeared.

My daughter-in-law screamed that I had “ruined everything,” but I calmly explained to everyone present that since I wasn’t considered family enough to attend, I saw no reason to continue funding their celebration.

My son finally spoke up, begging me to “please don’t do this,” but it was too late. The damage was done. I told him that after 30 years of being his mother, I deserved better than being treated like a stranger at his own birthday party that I had organized and paid for entirely.

The worst part was learning that his wife had been telling people I was “too controlling” and that they needed to “establish boundaries” with me. Meanwhile, I had spent weeks planning every detail, from his favorite foods to decorating with photos from his childhood, all because I wanted to show him how much he meant to me.

Several family members reached out afterward saying they were shocked by her behavior, but my son has barely spoken to me since. He seems torn between defending his wife and maintaining our relationship. I feel like I’ve lost my son to someone who sees me as competition rather than family.

I don’t know if I overreacted by canceling everything, but I couldn’t stand there and be publicly humiliated while funding my own exclusion. Now I’m wondering how to repair this relationship without letting people walk all over me.