A lonely lady walked into a pet store. “I need a pet to keep me company,” she said.

The clerk pointed to a parrot. “This one will talk to you.”

Excited, she bought him and took him home. The next day, she returned. “He hasn’t said a word.”

“Try this ladder,” the clerk suggested. “He’ll climb it and talk.”

The lady bought the ladder. The following day, still nothing.

“Add this mirror on top of the ladder,” the clerk said. “He’ll see himself and start talking.”

Another day passed, and she returned, discouraged. “Try this bell,” the clerk said. “Hang it above the mirror—he’ll ring it and then speak.”

Finally, the next day, she came back distressed. “The parrot… he died.”

“Oh no! Did he say anything before he passed?”

“Yes,” she said. “‘Doesn’t that store carry any food?’”

Meanwhile, a magician had a parrot that mocked him after every trick, saying things like, “Big deal, the cards are up your sleeve!”

When the ship they were on began to sink, the magician barely escaped with his parrot onto a lifeboat. For two days, they floated, the parrot still criticising every attempt to catch fish: “Try harder, big faker!”