All kinds of surprises happen at parties, however, our reader really went overboard with it. She brought her toddler to a party without letting anyone know. On the one hand, she badly wanted to join in on the fun. On the other, her friends were hoping for a peaceful evening without having to listen to a crying baby.

Our reader reached out to us.

I’m 22 and I have a toddler. She’s a very calm baby and cries
very rarely. Even if she does, I can quickly calm her down.
Recently, my friends decided to throw a small party. I also really wanted to hang out with them. I’m a single mother and no one could babysit my daughter at that time. I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal to bring my toddler with me.
I turned up, came into the room holding my baby in my arms. My friends instantly went silent. I said hi and was going to sit on the couch with them, but one of my friends put a pillow where I wanted to sit down. She gave my baby a weird look said, “What is THIS?”. I was standing near the couch, nobody wanted me to sit down with them. I felt so unwelcome.
It got even worse when my baby started crying. My friends rolled their eyes and said, “Here we go.” The party host got up and slowly led me to the door. When she made sure we were alone, she whispered, “We want a normal party, sorry,” and slightly pushed me out of the door.
I broke down and took a taxi home. It was the most horrible thing that had ever happened to me.

Thanks for reaching out to us! We understand how hurt you were. We’re ready to share some tips with you that might be useful.

Apologize to your friends.
I’ve always thought if invited to lunch or a party of some kind, one should ask if it is okay to bring another (whether child or adult.) It was rude to show up with your baby without asking first. Lesson learned.
It’s not always possible to change plans at the last minute, especially when you have a baby. It’s sad that your friends don’t like kids, and they certainly shouldn’t have treated you like that. Still, you could have at least mentioned that you’d come with a toddler.
It’s better to apologize for bringing a small uninvited guest. It’s great that you love your daughter, but sadly, not everyone is ready to show her the same level of affection as you do.

Plan in advance.
You might still feel the familiar urge to dive right into the fun the moment you’re invited, out of habit. However, your circumstances have changed. You now have a toddler, which means you need to plan ahead. The next time you’re invited to a similar event, ask the hosts if it’s a child-free party.
If not, consider hiring a nanny for the duration of the event. If the hosts are fine with babies, make sure you pack all the essentials such as diapers, wet wipes, and so on, to avoid causing any inconvenience to others.

Choose the right parties.
Most parties aren’t suitable for kids, as there might be an atmosphere and behavior that a small child shouldn’t witness. Smaller, more intimate gatherings might be more appropriate, while larger parties are a big no-no. Events with quiet conversations, board games, or outdoor activities may be better than loud music, dancing, etc.

Talk to your friends.
Tell your friends that their words and actions hurt you. Give them some examples of what really got to you. It will help them see where they were rude and what should be changed. Be specific and don’t mince words.
Also, let them know what you need from them — whether it’s just a bit of empathy or some changes in how they treat you when you’re around.